Hope
for the Holidays
by Tim Frank
Recently, the staff of one
of the local funeral homes in our county hosted their annual “Hope for the
Holidays” service and invited me to share a word of hope and practical help to
those in attendance who had lost loved ones. The holidays can be very difficult for an
individual or a family as they grieve during this season which is normally filled
with festivities and joy. Here are ten
practical suggestions I share with those who have lost loved ones. May these thoughts be of help and comfort during
this Christmas season.
·
The holidays are
a time to lean into your grief and find the comfort God brings. The Bible says in Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are
those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
Grief
is the price you pay for loving someone.
It is normal to grieve when a loved one has died. Allow yourself to grieve. You may find it helpful to look through pictures
and to talk with others about your loved one. Tears are a healing process God
has given to comfort us in our griefs.
·
Realize and
acknowledge that the holidays will never be the same again. Don’t pretend and go through the motions like
nothing has happened. In the loss of a
loved one, things will never be the same again.
There can be healing and a new normal, but without your loved one,
things will not be the same.
·
Some find that
writing down a holiday plan can be helpful.
A plan allows you to prioritize and plan the many activities, events,
and gatherings. This year, you may not
be able to do everything. A plan will
help sort through what stays and what goes.
There may also be some new traditions that are started during the
holidays, such as meeting at someone else’s house, asking others to help with
the dinner preparations, or limiting your activities and commitments.
·
Be ready for the
emotional ambushes that may occur in this season. These outbursts of emotion are often
triggered by the sights, smells, and settings which remind you of Christmas
spent with your loved one.
·
You may want to remember
your loved one in a special way during family gatherings. Perhaps you may want to create a memorial spot,
such as an area with a lit candle, a poinsettia, or a picture. Such a remembrance acknowledges your loved
one and gives others “permission” to share the memories they have of the
person.
·
Avoid isolating yourself from others during
the holidays. It may be tempting to skip
Christmas this year and hibernate by yourself until January 1. However, there is comfort and encouragement
in being together with those you love.
If you go to another person’s home, you may want to drive, just in case
you begin to feel overwhelmed and need to leave early.
·
Hold your holiday
plans loosely and reserve the right to change as needed. In grief, there are no “right” or “wrong” ways
of doing Christmas. Every person is
unique. Your relationship with the
deceased person was unique. The way you
experience and express grief will also be unique. Don’t allow others to try to push you into their
opinions of what you “ought” to do or feel.
·
It’s OK to enjoy
the holidays without your loved one. As
you spend time with family and friends, there may be laughter, singing, and
smiles. That does not dishonor the
memory of your deceased loved one. Be thankful
and celebrate the true meaning of Christmas.
Embrace and cherish your family and friends. Experience the excitement and wonder through
your children and grandchildren.
·
Draw close to
Jesus during the holidays. Spend extra
time alone with God in prayer and Bible reading. Find the comfort that only He can bring to
your soul. You may want to read through
the Psalms and find the strength of the Lord in your grief. You may want to read the Christmas story from
Matthew, chapters 1-2 or Luke, chapters 1-2.
The Lord cares for the broken hearted and promises to draw near to us as
we draw near to Him.
·
In your quiet
time with God, you may find it helpful to make a list of your blessings for
which you are thankful. In grief, it is
easy to become focused on your loss and fail to realize all you have for which
to be thankful. Christmas is a
celebration of God’s greatest gift, His greatest blessing to mankind; the birth
of His Son, our Savior Jesus Christ.
Christmas
has been called the sufferer’s holiday for in it is the hope we have in this
life and in the life to come. Jesus speaks to grieving people at the tomb of
His friend and says in John 11:25-26, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall
never die. Do you believe this?” Jesus
is the hope you are seeking. He is hope
for your holiday. He is hope for your
life. He is the hope for eternity.
